Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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