dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
