Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
