i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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