you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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