your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
