She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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