Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
