i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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