omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
