I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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