well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
