i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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