I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
