left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
