You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
