Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
