Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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