I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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