I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
