Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
