You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
