Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
