I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
