I wanna bring you to show and tell
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
