This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
The ass gains better be worth it
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