i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
