Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Terrible idea I love it
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
