Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
