Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
