Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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