did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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