I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
