i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
