I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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