This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
