i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
