I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
