so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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