I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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