I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
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