Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
