:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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