ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
