A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
