Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
