You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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