just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
