when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
