apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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