Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
